Ask my family and friends. Most would say Bruce is great at taking bad news. They are right. It’s not so much that I “take” it as that I deal with it. Time’s taught me that acceptance is not only the answer to my problems but the key to my serenity. And I remain serene.
It wasn’t always that way. Though never the Earl Weaverish micro-manager, I used to draw boundaries differently. My thinking was that IF I said this or IF I did that, people, places and things would “see the light” and just fall in line. ‘Tain’t necessarily so.
I got some crap today. Not ripe for sharing, but crap. The good news is I have tools to move me through it.
First, there’s temple at 6. Can there be a safer harbor than The Park Synagogue sanctuary? At 7 I’ll meet with my sponsor. Ten solid minutes of venting will end when he urges me to “Go call and-so…he’s got a problem.” Then John will smile and remind me what I already know: that God has a plan and either I believe in my God or I don’t…and that God is either everything or He’s nothing. Finally, he’ll assure me that all I can do is be the best Bruce I can be. And trust.
Some days….(today, for example),…this is easier said than done. Those days, and YES, TODAY, I still trust.
My kids say it’s hokey; (one calls it “existential’). Fact is God’s in his heaven and all’s right with the world. (Or right enough). Things will work out for the best, whatever that means. And life will go on.
Am I stumbling? A bit. Do I hurt? Of course. But do I believe? Always.
There’s a song on my Ipod, “Candle In The Wind.” Not the way I go through life —like Marilyn Monroe. Remember the lyric:
“It seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind—
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in…”
My belief tells me that everything will happen as it should. My faith gives me strength to keep on keeping on. And when it pours, like it did today, I humbly thank God that I’m around to wait for the sunshine.
I have faith that the sunshine will return.