“Slump? I’m in no slump….I just ain’t hitting—that’s all!”
Yogi Berra
I’m sharing today not because I want to, but because I need to.
Not because things are happening, but…because they are not.
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Lost in the mid-90’s, I had no hope of dealing with life’s eddying ups, downs and in-betweens. Not that I cared. Spiritually (among other ways), I was bankrupt.
Mistakes were made. Many. Sure some people had disappointed me, but most of all I had let myself down. And although it took years to figure it out, I had no one to blame but myself.
Wandering with no game plan, drenched with regret, remorse, and most of all fear…my only coping skill was alcohol. So I used it. It was so easy.
That, however, was then; this is now.
Recovery has taught me a way to enjoy the good, push through the bad, and trudge in times like these—when things are just flat.
(I should have known this was coming…this lull).
The Summer Of George ended with Stacy’s wedding. Then, no sooner had the little one tied the knot, but I was thrust into rehearsals and the play. Indeed, “Laughter…” was my career show. Good cast, good crowds, and even good reviews. Why would I ever want to take the stage again? (It just won’t get better)!
The letdown had to come.
Don’t get me wrong: I love life today—even this rut. It’s autumn in Cleveland and business is flat. There’s no hand to hold and…I can hear the silence.
I try to complain but my sponsor demurs: “Keep on keepin’ on,” he urges. Then he chides me to focus on what is, rather than what isn’t. And to be grateful for what I have.
I listen.
Twelve plus years and I still need to hear what I already “know”. (Remember the ’93 NCAA title game, when the U/M forgot it was out of time outs—handing UNC a trophy? ‘Nuff said).
Oh, the Game Plan? They made it simple for me: Trust God, Clean House, Help Others. (Some days I do it better than others). And when I work it, it works.
Fact is that nothing in my life is exactly where I’d want it today, and yet, I’m content. To me that is not a contradiction; it’s peace.
Consider: Discord between children….but they’re healthy. Friends surround me (when I choose not to isolate). Oh, and business….well, “this too will pass.” Heck, there was a time I didn’t have an office to go to.
My Dad would laugh and say I’m “crying with a loaf of bread under each arm.” And he’d be right.
So, today, with a gentle nudge here and there, I continue to see things as half full. Heading to Chicago for Thanksgiving, I’ll return Saturday to chair a 12-Step meeting at night. Great way to end the month.
Things will turn in December. They always do. Leslie has a friend in Columbus. Need to get down there. Bradley Fenton’s getting married in Florida; I’ll be there. And hey! It may even be New York on New Years.
In the meantime I plod along. If it’s true that growth is doing things you don’t want to do and NOT doing things just because you want to, then I’m on the right path. At least today.
Friday. Nothing stares me in the face. No major commitments, fires to put out, or, (for that matter) social events.
So this weekend, again, I’ll hear the silence, and know it truly IS the good news. And I’ll hit some meetings…maybe even hear (again) what I need to hear, and do some work, and just be….
Grateful.