An iconic rock star recently followed up his 2012 pullout from a concert in support of Israeli soldiers with a call to boycott the whole state of Florida. So be it. Sometimes I too disagree with things that go down. What if I were to thrust value judgments on the world, without walking its shoes. Where then would that leave us.

Let’s get the easy ones out of the way. I’d boycott these venues:

Hawaii and Alaska: First of all, they’re only states on paper. I mean, really! Not that I couldn’t justify Alaska on Palin alone, but let’s stay real: they’re just not states.

Not that some of the “real” ones are worth travelling….

Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Georgia, Louisiana, Kentucky: Need you ask why?

And it’s not just ‘cause they’re south. The Carolinas? I’d go there. North gave us Cosell and Griffith? S.C. hosted Wieder’s beach wedding…which means, I suppose, that I give Oregon a pass. Not that I plan on going, mind you—it’s just that I take this thing seriously. If I’m being intellectually honest, any state housing Joanie and Alan just ain’t boycott-worthy.

Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont: They are out. First of all, I think they’re the same. Second of all, I don’t care. Bottom line—I don’t fish.

And West Virginia: (I don’t go to book burnings).
And Idaho: Mandatory ultrasound
And Mississippi: I don’t hunt. (Ed. Note: Yes, I know it’s listed above. This state’s so backward, though, it deserves mention twice). Why isn’t Mississippi burning?

Here’s more to avoid:

Virginia: Jerry Falwell (blamed 9/11 on abortionists)
Texas: Rick Perry
Missouri: Two words: Rush Limbaugh

Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, both Dakotas: Why travel places you can’t find a minyan?

Don’t think, by the way, I always smile on the Midwest. Wisconsin’s out, and Minnesota too (due to weather). Moreover, I don’t give a damn for the whole state of Michigan!

On religious principles.

Nor, for that matter, will my feet hit Pennsylvania. I mean, really: why’s Penn State in the Big Ten? Or Nebraska? This is what one gets, I suppose, from adding counterfeit states to the union. (See above).

And speaking of counterfeit, Lord knows I felt guilty slipping into Maryland for weddings these years. With all due respect to portions of my clan transplanted there, have you seen any more two-faced a city than Baltimore? Recall how they cried when the Colts slunk away to Indy? They crucified Irsay. All bets were off, though, when they ripped off our Browns. So eat spit on the Chesapeake. You guys were phony. Find a mirror and look real hard.

…Which means, I suppose, that Indiana’s out too. And not just for canning Coach Knight. They started the whole NFL mess by stealing the Colts that stole the Browns that bit the cat that ate the dog, which father bought for two zuzim. Had Gadya. Had Gadya.

Some places, of course, are worse than others:

Florida: Lifetime ban! Think: Anita Bryant’s slam against gays…Gore v. Bush slam against due process. Sorry, Bradley Fenton, but I will never again take my talents to South Beach.

And OMG—

California. Not just for the ego—“left coast” and all. It goes further back…to something I’ve been holding on to a long time…just waiting for bush acts like boycotting celebrities to set stupid precedent. I’m thinking mid-70’s here (not that I can’t let go). Ohio State was in the process of losing five Rose Bowls in a decade — perhaps payback for upsetting USC and a knifeless OJ in ’69. Merciless, LA scribes, particularly one, pounded Woody. Indeed, an acidic writer noted he was surprised hearing the coach had a heart attack—he didn’t think Woody had one.

And it’s not that I’m petty—not that I’m that judgmental. Willing I am to look at the big picture. So New York gets a pass, as does Massachusetts. I’ll forgive one for its Yankees and the other for Belichick. After all, one breeds Eli and Max and the other breathes Boston. (Please, though: no more screwing with Fenway).

So where, after all is said and done, does that leave me? Not far, really, from where I was pre-boycott.

It’s the Land Of Lincoln, The Empire State, and my home in Ohio. And…truth be known, it’s not so much for where I won’t go, but oh so much for where I want to be:

With family, and friends, in my little corner of the world.


  1. Not Albert Einstein says:

    I am not Albert Einstein, yet we need to talk. You put down the state of Florida in part because of Anita Bryant, yet you use the title of her #10 hit recording as the title of this blog? Boychik, you have some issues that you need to resolve. Are you next going to write that you think Jerry Lewis should not have filmed The Bellboy in Miami Beach?

  2. Up From Dysfunction says:

    Very astute. I wondered if anyone would pick up on it. It was either going to be you or SF.

  3. Not Albert Einstein says:

    I didn’t know that Fromin read your blog.

  4. Stuart says:

    Can’t believe you won’t visit Israel. Also, won’t be long before you retire to del boca vista.

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