I read this week that the N.F.L. was permitting players to tweet during its Pro Bowl Game. Aside from that specific idiocy (designed, I presume, to further devalue the game), it gave me reason to ponder what might have happened if, indeed, Twitter existed throughout my life.

Excepting the birth of my children, was there an event more pivotal to me than my marriage? As such, it was with a rare twist of fate that I just uncovered the transcript of what might have posted on line lo those many years ago. It proves, yet again, that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

                               Saturday, December 23, 1972

@alanvwieder (15:54) Can’t believe the catch by Franco Harris! Browns’ playoff’s tomorrow. Wonder what time B wants us there for pictures.

@fentonsw (16:44) Arrived at the Howard Johnson’s. Rehearsal dinner in a bit. B getting married means he won’t bug Marilyn to fix him up anymore.
@murraybgalan (17:30) My daughter Harriet loves Bruce—we all do—but how could he not pack a sport jacket for his own rehearsal dinner? Lent him mine!

@jackieselzer (20:50) Party room at HJ’s. Met Bruce’s Ohio people. Wondering if his friend Dick has girlfriend. Wish his law school friend would stop bugging me.

@benselzer (23:00) Nice night. Kids seem happy. Just wish Jackie would settle down and stop seeing George from Third Street.
@lilselzer (23:20) Just home from dinner…exhausted. Can you believe the minute we walked in the house Jackie got a call from that Jessica Fuhrman!
@brucefromcleve (23:45) Just left my Dad’s room. Told him how much I loved SRS. Meant it.

                               Sunday, December 24, 1972

@alanvwieder (12:15) Goddam Fenton woke me five minutes ago. Says pictures are at 4. Oh well—with Miami undefeated the game should be boring.
@RFatherInHeaven (14:15) Meeting Bruce in coffee shop at half. Will offer him my station wagon in case he wants to change mind.
@brucefromcleve (14:55) Had “last supper” with Dad. Told me to bail if I had doubts. I said I didn’t. He said “just as well—you’d disappoint a lot of people that drove across the country.”
@alanvwieder (15:45) Browns leading undefeated Dolphins in playoffs. Cannot believe I have to leave for Bogart’s wedding! This is absolute bullshit.
@marcwalter (16:05) Browns lost. Some guy with transistor radio told Wieder and he threw his yarmulke. Mr. Selzer saw.
@groovyone (17:30) Checkin’ out the chicks in north Jersey. Can’t believe the B’s getting married. The hot one from the rehearsal dinner is giving me the eye.
@brucefromcleve (18:21) Am under chuppah. Why aren’t her friends smiling?
@RFatherInHeaven (18:55) Can’t believe my son let that schmuck Sam Levinson do the Motzi!
@elainelerner (19:20)  Reception beautiful. I wonder if people think Harriet looks better than me.
@harrietbogart (19:21)  Reception beautiful. Why is Albert’s ex staring at me?
@benselzer   (20:10)  Party over. Bruce’s usher Wieder wanted to talk sports with me. I told him to put his shoes and socks back on.  @joelselzer  (20:15)  In car on way home.  Bruce must be happy.  Didn’t call me “Harry” once.  

@erniefanwick (20:20)  Niece just married kid in law school. Told him to think about tax law—the wave of the future. I don’t think he’ll listen.
@YourAuntHelen (11:13) Lovely evening ended. Ma is exhausted. I told her not to do the Hora. Driving back in AM with Albert &Harriet. Hope Harold remembers we have shopping Monday.

@TheJerseyGirl (23:58) In the bathroom at our room at the Marriott. OMG—OMG—he really was a virgin!

2 Responses to “THE WEDDING SONG”

  1. Jackie says:

    I laughed until I cried 🙂

  2. alan wieder says:

    I am really surprised this hasn’t received many, many comments. This is brilliant.

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