Took a few bullets for the team today. Nothing major. Just playing the cards I was dealt.

“What am I going to do with your friend Michael Jacobson? “ the nonagenarian cried. But before I could respond, she continued:

“First he said he would call me at 9PM , but he did not call.”
She wasn’t done. “Then he called to apologize, but said he couldn’t talk and would call again next week! …Really, how busy is he? In the time he took to apologize we could have had our chat!”

“He was Nevada on business,” I offered, saying no more, no less.

“Really, Bruce, why do you always feel the need to defend people? He should have called when he said. Why does he promise to do things he cannot do. I understand he was busy. Then he shouldn’t have said he would call me at a specific time! (Pause) And, really, next week? How long does it take to call. A mere hello is acceptable.”

But before I could rebound, her solilique continued: “And it is not for you to attempt to justify his behavior. He can speak. Now, do you see my point? Am I right?”

And of course, my response was “You’re right.”

Moments later the games continued.

“And another thing. Why did you not tell me your brother was going to the play with his friends? Why would you purposely leave that out? Of course I would not expect to be included in such a gathering. What is WRONG with you?”

Editor’s Note: Hal is attending with his wife, daughter, mother-in-law,
niece, nephew AND ex-sister-in-law in tow. The concurrent attendance of friends is somewhat coincidental. Still, I am not a total idiot. Hal had spun the story to legitimize excluding our aunt. Time to “have his back.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “No excuses.”
She was true to form: “You’re always sorry, aren’t you! …(PAUSE)


“And by the way…We will have to make another stop. I have a package for Stacy. Do you mind?”

(Like I COULD mind! Like I COULD tell her the Bohrers were flying in for the weekend—that they would see my show—that they’d be thrilled to stop by, say hello and save her postage…..or, G/d forbid, save me a trip to the post office).

Her question went unanswered. Actions, of course, speak louder than words.

We went to Marc’s, bought a bread, three large green bananas, a bag of oranges, one tomato, two packages of muenster cheese (with coupon), and a jar of Spin Blend dressing, and then, after Aunt Helen summoned the manager to inquire again about the scarcity of Pincus rye bread…I fell on my sword.

It took us forty minutes to send Jason and Stacy a package. Not bad for the post office on a Friday afternoon. I never asked what was in the box, but it’s guaranteed for delivery within five days.

The kids, by the way, arrive at Hopkins about 10 o’clock tonight.

       Kiss today goodbye,
       And point me t’ward tomorrow.
       We did what we had to do.
       Won’t forget, can’t regret
       What I did for
                                                           (E. Kleban)

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