Dear Alan,

I keep thinking of this scene from Seinfeld. Kramer asks George “Do you ever yearn?” and George says No, but that he craves a lot.

I’ve changed Alan. Maybe even grown up. Can’t say when…can’t point to the time. But bank on it.

Remember that morning on the Vegas patio with Walt, “Red,” and Jack? (Rather opulent breakfast for a South Euclid crowd), but, anyway…You were sitting on my left and one of the guys ordered something exotic—

“What’d he get?” I asked (quietly).
“Well, MAYBE IF YOU WENT SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN NEW YORK OR CHICAGO YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING!” you teased oh so many decibels higher. (I can still picture the moment and smiling back at you in comfort. I recall thinking, right then and there…that as similar as our roots and values are, how different our lenses are. You marvel at mountaintops in South Africa—I think of sledding down Bayard hill. I remember thinking, (but not necessarily caring), that I am the smartest shallow person I know.

You KNOW me–in 61 years, to my sheer discredit I had few goals—no burning desires. If anything, there were cravings here and there…for validation— like a hit, a win, or a date to Senior Prom. External stuff. Temporal stuff.

I’m growing, Alan…a work in progress. I’m turning into a calm Kramer.

Staying home nights, thinking more. Even writing more. (I’ve got a body of stuff— somewhat sensitive– that I don’t publish. It’s my “after-blog).

Still won’t travel, except to see the kids (primarily), but my pace is slowing (in a good way).

It’s internal these days. About family…and friends…the big picture.
I like myself today, and that’s good enough. I no longer seek validation, but do yearn: for family….and for friends…and clearly, for peace.

Hi to Joanie. Happy Chanukah,


One Response to “WHEN I GROW UP”

  1. alan says:

    I tease but you I don’t judge — just love.

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